If writing personal essays came with a step-by-step guide — and sadly, they don’t — the first step would be to read really good essays. Analyze what works and what doesn’t and determine why the author was able to catch an editor’s attention.
Why does the piece speak to you?
Why did you read all the way to the end?
How did you walk away from the essay a little bit different than you did before you came into it?
Then dissect every paragraph, every sentence, every word and apply what you’ve learned to your own work.
While there are fantastic examples of stellar essays lurking in nearly every corner of the Internet — and I’m thinking beyond the usual suspects like The New York Times, Oprah and The Washington Post — when I teach essay writing, I frequently turn to the following examples for the reasons cited below:
1. The Fateful Discovery a Woman Made After the Sudden Death of Her Infant Child by Rebecca Gummere: Few essays have gutted me to the same degree as Gummere’s essay in O, The Oprah Magazine. This is an example of a powerful story — one that is truly unique — and that’s what kept me reading.
Admittedly, when I read the first two graphs of the story, I glazed over. But Rebecca Gummere used metaphor beautifully, with passages like, “the multiplying cells begin a right-looping arc, developing in the form of a spiral, as would a rose, or a seashell, or a galaxy.” She also uses dialogue that provides just the right pacing, intermixed with those brilliant metaphors.
“Are you ready?” asks the pathologist.
I nod, making a chalice of my hands, and he reaches down into the plastic bucket and lifts my son’s heart and lungs out of the water. I feel a slight weight, as if I am holding a kitten or a bird.
I blink and the world turns sideways beneath me.
In the graphs that follow, she describes her experience, quite literally blow by blow (and I typically avoid clichés; you always should in your writing). The pacing pulls the reader in to the point where it’s impossible to look away. That is good writing. That is putting the reader in a scene with you. That is how you sell an essay.
There are many other passages I yearn to share, but alas, I don’t want to give too much away. This is an essay you should experience in the moment with the author, just as I did the first time I read it.
2. In Marriage, Beware of Big Boxes by Cindy Chupack: For me, this is a “Modern Love” column favorite. And yes, there are many. In fact, two of the essays I’m providing as samples appeared in The New York Times’ “Modern Love” column. The opening declares a truism that many are afraid to utter aloud:
In any marriage, even the best marriage, there will come a day when you wonder why you married this person … This handsome, tuxedoed man is publicly binding his life to yours, and you think, ‘It would have to snow inside my house before I would ever feel anything but love for this man.’
Well, it snowed inside my house.”
Chupack’s writing is witty, concise and laugh-out-loud funny at times. It’s also honest. Equally important, nearly every woman who has been married to a romantic can find herself inside that story. Admittedly, while I read this essay, I was thinking more about my parents’ marriage than my own (my hubby’s gift-giving style is decidedly understated), but the point is, there are universal themes scattered throughout this essay. It boils down to this: Snow, even inside your house, can be quite beautiful.
3. Mother Rage: Theory and Practice by Anne Lamott: I had a hard time reading this essay. I wanted to look away, to deny Lamott’s experience, to pretend I can’t relate. But then, I had to press pause and bow down. Lamott’s bravery in this piece, well, it’s almost unparalleled. After all, it takes guts to admit this:
One reason I think we get so angry mad at our children is because we can.
Who else can you talk to like this? Can you imagine hissing at your partner,
“You get off the phone NOW! No, NOT in five minutes …”? Or saying to a friend, “You get over here right this second! And the longer you make me wait, the worse it’s going to be for you.” Or, while talking to a salesman at Sear’s who happens to pick up the ringing phone, grabbing his arm too hard and
shouting, “Don’t you DARE answer the phone when I’m talking to you.”
And then she unpacks it all with this: But underneath the fear I keep finding resiliency, forgiveness, even grace.
This essay is more of a rant or even a journal entry than a personal essay, but it works because it’s real. It works because her readers see themselves in her words. It works because she doesn’t shy away from the shame or the pain — and she invites her readers to do the same.
4. Your Brain’s Response to Your Ex According to Neuroscience by Me: I frequently share this essay as an example of a reported essay, not because I wrote it, but because my editor said it was a monthly traffic top 10 for discovermagazine.com. The reason: People can relate to it — and there are scientific reasons behind our shared experiences.
Seeing him instantly reactivated the networks my mind encoded 15 years before. Throw a bear hug into the mix — and the accompanying flood of oxytocin — and that old brain circuitry lit up like fireworks. Justin Garcia, the associate director for research and education at the Kinsey Institute, says that’s no surprise. Just like a recovering alcoholic craving a drink after decades of sobriety, we can still be drawn to an old lover.
“It doesn’t mean you still want to be with that person,” he says. “It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means there’s a complex physiology associated with romantic attachments that probably stays with us for most of our lives — and that’s not something to be afraid of, particularly if you had a great run.”
In a sense, this piece gave readers permission to feel all the feels with a former lover, even if there are good reasons why the flame stopped burning.
5. Now I Need a Place to Hide Away by Ann Hood: Hood’s essay is not only a great example of transformation (i.e., I used to …. But now I … ), but it also beautifully illustrates how an adept writer can contain a really big story — in this case, the death of a child. Instead of trying to tackle everything from point A to point B chronologically, Hood contains the story with a small piece of the larger puzzle using The Beatles as a vehicle.
For Grace’s fourth Christmas, Santa brought her all of the Beatles’ movies on video, a photo book of their career and “The Beatles 1” tape. Before long, playing “Eight Days a Week” as loud as possible became our anthem.
And this:
As parents do, I had shared my passions with my children. And when it came to the Beatles, Grace had seized my passion and made it her own. But with her death, that passion was turned upside-down, and rather than bring joy, the Beatles haunted me.
In this way, The Beatles becomes almost like a character in Hood’s story, a way to illustrate Hood’s tremendous bond with her daughter. It also ensures that each time we hear The Beatles, we recall Hood’s tragic story.
Want more sample essays? I share several essays as examples throughout all of my courses. There are a few slots left in my Basic Essay Writing Class (beginning September 16), and people are already reserving spots for my next Alumni Essay Writing Class, which will begin sometime next year. I also offer one-on-one coaching and one-off critiques year-round.
I hope to “see” you in some capacity soon. In the meantime, happy writing — and reading!
a