Inside of a week, I’ve had two writers tell me they’re afraid of the backlash, blowback, hate mail, and shame they’ll receive if they speak their truth. They wonder if maybe their words, their voice, their stories are best kept on their hard drives.
They’re not afraid to offend the people who are named in their stories. They’re not even afraid that airing their dirty laundry might upset their immediate family members. They’re afraid of incensing strangers.
One of these writers is a current student. As a teacher, I encourage my students to be as honest and transparent as they can when they’re crafting an essay. “Write first for you,” I always say. That used to come easy to me. But now, in an increasingly intolerant world, I’m struggling with it myself.
I’ll be honest, most of the time I steer clear of hot topics. Writing about sex, politics, and race, especially under my real name, gives me pause. Yet, I penned an essay about how COVID-19 coaxed me to become a private school mom. The story (after nearly 10 revisions) has conflict, struggle, and it fits the “I used to … but now I …” mold. But, and it’s a BIG BUT, I was terrified to put it out nto the world.
I knew my story oozed privilege. I knew that our ability to send our kids to private school this year (by dipping into their college funds) would anger a subset of readers. That I would get called out as an affluent mom who doesn’t understand real struggle — even though I feel like a broke, hot mess on a daily basis.
While I grappled with whether to push the gas on my piece or pump the brakes, I posted in one of my FaceBook groups requesting market suggestions. One of the posters responded with this:
Are you ready to get torn apart for writing this? I’m going to be honest here- this is going to get A LOT of ire. Private schooling is extremely privileged.
Some good things to consider:
- Who are you hoping to serve with this piece?
- Is this piece going to be helping or hurting someone?
- If it may hurt someone, who is it going to hurt?
- What are you seeking to gain from this piece?
- Are you prepared to take responsibility for any negativity that may come from this?
Her questions stopped me, especially these two: Is this piece going to be helping or hurting someone? If it may hurt someone, who is it going to hurt?
If we were still stuck in a distance learning situation, I can imagine reading a story like mine and feeling sad, hurt, and frustrated. I also realize that the people who are likely to feel hurt by my words are people who are already suffering.
But I also believe plenty of parents are making similar decisions. In fact, The Washington Post just ran a story by a mom who decided to home school her daughter for the very same reasons we turned to private: Remote learning was a disaster!
What will I gain by publishing this piece? I’m not sure. A nice clip and a paycheck to help with tuition, maybe? The truth is, I write essays because I want to connect with people; to make them feel, think, and do something different or new.
If I’ve done my job — if I’ve written a good story — readers who don’t share my perspective will understand why I made the choices I made and maybe even enjoy the read.
With this particular piece, I shine a light on the failing public school system and indirectly suggest that closing schools while keeping businesses open may not be the best strategy. The employees who run those businesses need children to be in school.
Mostly, I want parents to realize they can make decisions during this time that don’t feel quite right — and that it doesn’t have to be permanent. In my case, that means private school; for now. Will I keep them there after the pandemic subsides? I don’t know. What I do know: I’m committed to speaking my truth. And bracing myself for the nasty comments.
You might be wondering if I earned that paycheck. Well, that, too, is complicated. I think I’ll leave you with a cliffhanger … until my next newsletter.